hasen-otaku

Enigmes en BD

Jeudi 1er mars 2012 à 10:47


Blagues sur Sherlock Holmes !!
http://hasen-otaku.cowblog.fr/images/holmesandwatson.gif
Voici quelques blagues sur le plus grand détective de la littérature britannique,que jai glané dans le net,toute fois pour ceux qui n'ont pas lu les romans de sherlock holmes risquent de ne pas comprendre certaines repliques du monde du detective alors a vous de voir,et je vous avertis dés maintenant que certains sont nulles mais quand ça concerne mon Holmes,un peu de d'humour ça ne blesse pas,allez passez de bons moments dans mon blog !!!!
 
Sherlock Holmes arrive au paradis et se présente devant Saint Pierre :
- Bonjour, je suis Sherlock Holmes.
- C´est ça, et moi je suis Jésus Christ.
- Mais si, je vous assure que je suis Sherlock Holmes.
- Tu es la 987654321ème personne depuis samedi dernier qui se présente devant moi disant s´appeller Sherlock Holmes. Je vais te mettre à l´épreuve pour vérifier. Dieu désire parler à Adam et Eve, mais comme tout le monde est nu ici, impossible de les reconnaître, à toi de les retrouver.
Sherlock Holmes passe les portes du paradis puis revient dix minutes après avec Adam et Eve, Saint Pierre est sidéré :
- Ben ça alors ! Comment as-tu fait ?
- Elémentaire, mon cher Pierre. C´étaient les seuls qui n´avaient de nombril 

Un meutre a eu lieu dans une usine agroalimentaire, Sherlock Holmes et Watson arrivent sur les lieux et trouvent un cadavre baignant dans une flaque verdâtre. Watson trempe son doigt dans le liquide, le suc ( son doigt ! bande d´obsédés  ) et dit :
- C´est du colorant...
Et Sherlock :
- Alimentaire, mon cher Watson 

Sherlock Holmes et le Dr Watson sont au camping. Après un repas et une bouteille de vin, ils gagnent leur sac de couchage et s'endorment.
Quelques heures plus tard, Holmes se réveille et secoue son compagnon :
- Watson, regardez le ciel et dites-moi ce que vous voyez.
- Je vois des millions et des millions d'étoiles.
- Qu'est-ce que vous en déduisez ?
- Astronomiquement, répond Watson, flatté de cette marque d'intérêt, cela me dit qu'il y a des millions de galaxies et potentiellement des milliards de planètes. Astrologiquement, j'observe que Saturne est en Lion. Horairement, j'en déduis qu'il est environ 3 h 15. Théologiquement, je vois que Dieu est tout-puissant et que nous sommes petits et insignifiants. Météorologiquement, je pense que nous aurons une belle journée demain. Et vous, Holmes ?
Sherlock Holmes reste silencieux une minute puis déclare :
- Très simplement, Watson, j'en déduis que des malotrus ont volé notre tente.

- Sherlock à quelle école alliez-vous quand vous étiez jeune ?
- Elémentaire mon cher Watson !

Cette blague a un sens humouristique en anglais
Watson returned home to Baker Street one day to find Holmes painting the front door of 221b Baker Street yellow.
- By jove, Holmes, what on earth are you doing? asked Watson.
- Its a lemon-entry (elementary) Watson replied Holmes !

Sherlock Holmes est assis à son bureau dans son salon. A ce moment-là, arrive Watson qui s'exclame :
- Brrr ! Quel froid ce matin !
- C'est surement pour cela que vous avez mis vos caleçons longs, dit Holmes.
- Mais... ? C'est formidable ! Comment le savez-vous ?
- Elémentaire mon cher Watson, vous avez oublié de mettre votre pantalon.

Le Dr Watson regagne Baker Street. Il arbore sur la figure un superbe oeil au beurre noir. Holmes, le voyant arriver, arrête de lire le "Times".
Il lui lançe alors :
- Bon sang, Watson ! Qu'est-ce qui vous a pris de vous lancer dans cette bagarre générale dans Hyde Park ?!
Watson, une nouvelle fois sidéré par le don d'observation de son ami, lui demande :
- Mais, Holmes, comment diable savez-vous qu'il y a eu une bagarre générale dans Hyde Park ??
- Elémentaire, mon cher Watson, il y a encore la trace de ma chaussure sur votre pantalon !

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, le créateur de Sherlock Holmes aimait raconter des anecdotes personnelles, dont celle-ci qui lui était arrivée à Paris alors qu'il attendait un taxi. Conan Doyle attend donc un taxi à la sortie de la gare Montparnasse. Lorsque le taxi s'arrête, l'écrivain monte et il s'apprête à donner sa destination lorsque le chauffeur le coupe :
- Bonjour Monsieur Doyle. Où désirez-vous aller ?
Doyle est sidéré ! Il demande au chauffeur comment il a pu le reconnaître comme ça, au premier coup d'oeil.
- M'aviez-vous déjà vu auparavant ?
- Non monsieur, lui répond le taxi, et il ajoute, par contre, les journaux de ce matin disaient que vous étiez en vacances à Marseille. Et je vous ai pris gare de Lyon, là où les trains venant de Marseille s'arrêtent. La rougeur de votre peau qui est plutôt d'un teint pâle me dit que vous rentrez de vacances. Les taches d'encre sur votre index droit me disent que vous êtes un écrivain ou au moins que vous écrivez beaucoup. Vos vêtements sont typiquement anglais... En additionnant toutes ces informations, j'en ai déduit que vous étiez Sir Arthur Conan Doyle !
Doyle lui répond:
- C'est réellement fantastique, n'est-il pas ? Vous êtes la réplique parfaite de mon personnage de fiction, Sherlock Holmes, à la différence que vous, vous êtes réel !
- Et il y a autre chose,ajoute le taxi.
- Quoi donc, qu'allez-vous encore m'apprendre ?
- Votre nom est inscrit sur votre valise.

Sherlock Holmes et Watson croisent un homme dans la rue. Sherlock Holmes dit à Watson :
- Cet homme, que nous venons de croiser, a du diabète et des pertes de mémoire !
- Mais c'est incroyable, comment le savez-vous, Sherlock ?
- Elémentaire mon cher Watson, sa braguette est restée ouverte et une abeille tourne autour !!

Watson je vois que vous avez marché accidentellement sur une crotte de chien ?
votre méthode de déduction vous a trahi,Holmes !! je l'ai fait éxprés !!

Le soir, Sherlock Holmes et Dr Watson se promènent à Londres. En passant sur un pont, Sherlock Holmes s'arrête et dit au Dr Watson :
- Mon ami, ma méthode de déduction me permet d'influencer le comportement des gens. Voulez-vous une démonstration ? Je ferai en sorte que les trois personnes qui passent sur ce pont aillent se jeter dans la rivière.
Ils attendent. Un Anglais s'approche. Sherlock Holmes lui dit :
- Monsieur, savez-vous que votre entreprise a fait faillite, et que les créanciers vous attendent chez vous ?
L'Anglais, désespéré, se jette en bas.
Un Français s'approche. Sherlock Holmes lui dit :
- Monsieur, savez-vous que votre femme pratique régulièrement des partouzes à la maison, profitant de votre absence ?
Le Français se jette dans la rivière.
Et voilà qu'un Russe, complètement saoul, s'approche. Sherlock Holmes lui dit :
- Monsieur, savez-vous que la loi anglaise interdit de se jeter du pont dans la rivière ?
Le Russe, en passant une jambe par-dessus la rambarde :
- Je m'en fous !!!

Holmes et watson sont au restaurant avant de manger holmes apelle le serveur et lui dit :
Y'a un probléme,veullier gouter a ce potage svp ?
le serveur a tout de suite reconnu holmes et par respect lui dit : si c'est pas bon je vous le remplace Mr holmes !!
- Holmes : Non,je veux que vous goutier a ce potage !!
- serveur : si vous voulez j'vous reduis la note Mr holmes !!
- Non,j'veux que vous goutier a ce potage !!
- D'accord Mr holmes,mais ou est la cuillére !!
- Holmes : vous voyez le probléme !!

Les blagues seront mises a jour bientot,merci !!!

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